Am I parenting or gym-ming?
Well, let’s run a parallel together:
1. The initial phase is real hard. You could have read all the right books and watched all the right YouTube videos, yet when you get down to doing it yourself, it’s definitely not the same. Your entire body aches and groans and complains cos you’ve gone out of your comfort zone and it all feels so unfamiliar.
Nothing prepares you for the real parenting grind even if you have read all the top-listed books and watched YouTube channels and even done babysitting for all your relatives and neighbours. In fact, the first few weeks can get especially overwhelming, right? Your sleep schedule, for one, goes for a toss. Your dinners with friends need to be rescheduled. You always have some task that calls for your attention all the time.
2. You start to get into the rhythm of routine and begin to feel good about what you are doing and whoopsy! You need to up your game. The routine has changed. Different muscles come into play. New learnings. New applications.
Your child keeps growing and evolving. His needs keep changing. His abilities grow with his intellect. The way he expresses his emotions are so different in each phase. Your child who loved being hugged, now ducks when you ruffle his hair even. Your child who would run through the door with stories for you about school, now returns to sit on the couch with his phone. You need to upgrade yourself and grow with your child. ‘Change your routine with new learnings’.
3. You don’t see immediate results of any of your efforts though it feels like you’ve really done a lot. Sigh! All of you looks the same for a long… looonnngggg while at times. But if you stay at it – persevere consistently with passion, you realise that it all paid off! Your body feels different. Your friends pay you compliments. You begin to feel good about yourself.
Well, as a parent too, no matter what you do, the outcomes sometimes aren’t as you expected. You want a turn-around in communication with your child. You make concrete attempts of reaching out. But he is still the same. It doesn’t feel you have made any dent in his armour. And yet one day, your child initiates conversation and tells you what’s going on in his life and asks your opinion. And your friend praises your rapport with your child at a picnic. And you feel good about yourself as a parent, about your child and about your relationship.
4. You feel like you’ve exhausted all avenues. Done it all. There are no more exercise routines for you. And yet there is always something different you can do to build further… perhaps a different trainer or a different gym even.
Often you feel like you have hit a wall in your relationship with your child especially when they are in the tween and teen-age phases of storm and stress. You simply can’t get through even though you feel you have tried everything you know. I assure you, there will always be a way to get through. Perhaps you may need to reach out for help or may need to rest a while and manifest the best… but there is almost always a way.
So, know your body, trust your trainer and be consistent. Similarly, know your child, trust your coach… (if you don’t go to a coach then trust your instincts and your God) and keep the faith.
